508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
