just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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