Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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