if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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