I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
