In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
