had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
