I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its liver damage thursday
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