I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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