I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
And then he peed in my hair
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
