Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
