Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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