Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
