You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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