um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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