i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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