Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
