This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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