Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
