just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
