Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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