as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want a musical about memes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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