You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
