Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
