Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
