enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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