He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
