I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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