I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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