So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
