He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
