My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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