i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
