Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
