Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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