Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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