I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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