At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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