M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
