Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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