i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
