Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
