And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
