I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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