UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
