I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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