Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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