oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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