I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
