I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
