Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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