can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
