have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
