Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
