I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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