nut hugger
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
