Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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