I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
