So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
