but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
