We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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