I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
