Do you still have your period?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
