guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
