Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
