i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
