I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
