I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
