I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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